Rule #4- Subject to exceptions, it is OK to inquire with the host, who has invited guests to a party in a BCCd e-mail, about the identities of the other invitees

Dearest Online Correspondent:

Another issue that arises from the dreaded, yet incredibly useful BCC (Blind Carbon Copy), is whether it is alright for Mr. B&I (Mr. Busy and Important) to inquire with a host or hostess, who has invited guests to a party in a BCCd e-mail, about the identities of the other guests before RSVPing to the party?

The answer to this issue is numerated to help you choose which section of the rule applies to your situation.

1. Antiquated etiquette: No, it is not alright to e-mail your hostess, Mrs. Posh*, to find out the identities of the other VIPs (Very Important People), who are attending the party.

*In case you were wondering if I were related to Mrs. Posh, yes, I am.  So growing up, I was never allowed to ask the host the identities of the other invitees and ended up going to loads of parties, at which I knew no one.

Rationale: Mrs. Posh would perceive Mr. B&I’s (Mr. Busy and Important’s) )question of who was on the guest list as rude. Asking who is on the guest list is rude because Mrs. Posh personally selected her friends to attend, and if after hearing the guest list, Mr. B&I opts not to attend the party, then Mr. B&I has just slighted Mrs. Posh by passing judgment on her friends.

I. Exception: If your hostess was born before 1960 and does not seem snobby, then by all means fire away your questions about the party. The hostess will likely tell you the identities of the other invitees and might even tell you whether or not the other invitees are swingers too.

2. The Techiquette: Yes, it is alright to inquire with the hostess, Mrs. Posh, about the identities of the other invitees after RSVPing.*

* My answer is not based on built up resentment against my relative, Mrs. Posh.

Rationale: We live in an era of instant gratification, via knowledge strewn over the internet. Unfortunately, Mrs. Posh is going to have to open up to a more progressive view of etiquette. If we can “Google” the weather on the night of the party to help us decide whether or not we can wear our suede stilettos, then we also want to  know who is going to be at the party that we are attending.

More importantly, Mrs. Posh should be happy that we even read her e-mail invitation; these days, most modern people use E-vites or Facebook to invite guests to large parties.

In sum, the best practice is to politely inquire with the hostess about the guest list, after RSVPing and subject to the exceptions below.

I. Exception: There are actually quite a few exceptions to this progressive rule of online etiquette. Here are a few of them:

1. weddings

2. funerals

3. all other traumatic events

II. Exception: This is where you come into the picture. Do you agree with Techiquette that, subject to exceptions it is alright to inquire with the host about the identities of the invitees?

On a side note, thank you to the online correspondents who posted your comments to Rule #3. I will be posting responses to some of those correspondents’ questions over the next few days.

Sincerely,

Techiquette