Ask the Techiquette- Tips on how to find out, from the host, the identities of the invitees

AW:

Techiquette, I have to say I agree with the antiquated etiquette on this issue. I believe one should decline or accept an invitation based on their availability and desire to attend the function, not based on the other guests who will potentially be in attendance. To me, this would be similar to the guest asking the host what was being served at a dinner party before giving an rsvp.

Techiquette: In Rule #4, I posited that it is OK to politely inquire with the host about the identities of the invitees, except relating to:

1. weddings

2. funerals

3. all other traumatic events

AW:

You are right. It is only appropriate to politely inquire with the host about the identities of the of the other invitees, only after RSVPing.

An online correspondent trying to follow the “best practice” of techiquette would use these tips on how to find out the identities of the invitees.

How to politely find out the identities of the invitees:

1) If, and only if, you are accepting the invitation, is it appropriate to ask the host the identities of the invitees.

2) Ask the host your question “in person.” Never ask the host in an e-mail.

a) If you cannot ask the host “in person,” call them on the phone.

3) Think of a separate reason, other than your curiosity, for asking the host identity of the invitees. Never ask the host directly who the invitees are.

Below are some examples of separate reasons:

a) Dinner party- “What should I bring, for example: wine, salad, a dessert?” What are other people bringing may come up in conversation.

b) Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party- “Is there anyone with whom I could carpool?” Who the other invitees are will likely come up in conversation.

4) If your host seems hesitant about answering your questions regarding your “separate reason,” do not continue pursuing your inquiry to find out the identities of the other invitees. Your friendship with the host is most likely more important than that.

Thank you AW for your comment. Do you agree with the Techiquette’s  list of tips on how to find out, from the host, the identities of the invitees?

Sincerely,

Techiquette